The freedom of uncertainty

Well, the Tour is really underway now, although it took a while to really get started. I took two interesting trips during March, while I was still in Atlanta: one to Aiken, SC, for the Juilliard Music Festival and to visit my reader from STAR and now good friend Patsy, and one to Charleston, SC, for my friend Diann's 40th birthday. Funny that the two trips were totally separate, and yet they were both in South Carolina.

But the two amazing things I did before heading out from Atlanta: I went to the Landmark Forum March 19-21, and then to the Landmark Advanced Course on April 9-11. Both weekends were really fascinating. I cannot even begin to really describe the experiences here, but suffice it to say that I learned so much: that I am responsible for my life, that I don't have to be held back by anything whatsoever, that any feeling of being held back in the past came from me and me alone, and that this is my real life, so I need to do something worthwhile with it. I still have lots of work to do in this regard, but I now feel ready for this trip. I feel like I have room now to be fully present on the trip -- to not obsess about what I haven't done, to enjoy the moments that occur, and to listen to what comes up during the trip. And thank goodness for Patty Farinola, who convinced me to do the Forum in the first place, because it did exactly what it said it would: it put me in the right space for this cross-country road trip.

So the Advanced Course ended on April 13 (for those who don't know, there's an evening session at the end of the course), and then I left town on Friday, April 16. I'm now in Dallas, visiting family, and planning the rest of the journey. Funny I haven't planned more yet; I know when I'm going to Austin, and basically when I'm going to Houston, but then I have no idea after that! I want to go to West Texas -- I've never seen it, I'd like to travel to Big Bend and Guadalupe Mountains National Parks, and I have to go to New Mexico, so West Texas is definitely the way to get there -- but I don't know the dates, where I'll be staying, which towns I'll be visiting, and what to do when I get to New Mexico. Wow! What a change from knowing every single day that I'll be going to PT, to Patty, to yoga, to lots and lots of meetings, to the ER to see patients, and so on. And the biggest revelation is knowing that I'll be okay, despite the uncertainties. That I can create my trip.

This is pretty cool, after all....