What a week this has been. I saw Lars and Christine in Lake Tahoe last week, Ginger and Bob over the weekend, and just today, I left Medford after a few days there visiting Eileen and Mirek Bobek. Definitely, it's been fantastic to see so many old friends, and to meet their families.
On Monday, I left Oakland and drove up the California coast on Highway 1 to Mendocino. (Highway 1 is called the Pacific Coast Highway between LA and San Fran; north of that, it's called the Shoreline Highway.) It took me a while to actually find the highway, at first, because I was unfamiliar with Marin County, but I eventually got there. The drive was spectacular -- high cliffs with crashing white surf in the deep blue water. I reached Mendocino at around 7pm, and walked around town for just a few minutes before settling into my room at the Mendocino Hotel. The hotel is pretty cool -- it's an old Victorian building, with a pretty restaurant and an amazing view of the coast. Once again, I was reminded how much I like to look at the surf and the water.
Unfortunately, I only stayed one night in Mendocino, and headed out the next morning, so I didn't get to linger there and wander through town or to the cliffs. I continued up the coast, then went to Crescent City (home of the "drive-thru tree", a 2400 year-old coastal sequoia), and then took Highway 199 eastward across the Oregon border into Medford, where Eileen and Mirek live. The entire drive was really amazing, and the coast continued to get more and more beautiful the further north I drove -- the cliffs were higher, the water rougher, and with the redwoods on the cliffs, the view was breathtaking.
When I arrived in Medford, I met Eileen and her kids for dinner. Eileen and I did residency together in Michigan; she was a year ahead of me, and one of my chief residents. Her husband, Mirek, was a neurosurgery resident at the time; he is now a practicing neurosurgeon in Medford. The last time I saw Eileen, she had one child, Roman, who was 2 years old. He's now 10 1/2, and he has three siblings: Milan, 8; Radek, 5; and Stazie, 3. Unbelieveable, that this friend of mine is now the mother of four, and that little tiny Roman is so grown up! We ate dinner, and then went back to her house to put the kids to bed.
Wednesday, I went to a yoga class while Eileen ran errands. Then the kids and Eileen and I played video games (old school: Pac-Man, Pole Position, Galaga, and the like) and ran around the house until I was exhausted, even though I don't think they were. That night, we went for sushi with Mirek, who met us after work.
On Thursday, Eileen hired a sitter for the kids, and she and I went to the town of Ashland, just a few miles away. It is very cute: it's the home of Southern Oregon University, and a typical college town in that it is very artsy and liberal, with lots of vegetarian restaurants and funky shops. But it's also the home of the Oregon Shakespeare Festival, and has a very educated, upscale vibe to it, as well.
Last night, Eileen's parents came in town. I spent some time with them this morning, which was fun....I can see from where Eileen gets her sense of humor! And after hearing about them for years, it was nice to finally meet them.
I have to say, Mirek is a wonder. He works these incredibly long days, and yet, he has LOTS of activities that he does on the side: he worked in the garden every night after coming home (I'm looking at two roses that he cut for me last night....they're in a makeshift vase here in my hotel room), he's in a band with whom he plays every Sunday, he plays tennis on Friday mornings, and he plays on a softball team on Mondays. Last night, he baked multiple loaves of bread for the week (yes, you heard me -- he baked HOMEMADE bread after working a full day). And he made dinner for four kids, as well.
I talked to Eileen about this, and it's interesting, because her answer highlighted a theme which seems to recur: Eileen says that she didn't learn how to take care of herself until after she stopped working. Now that she's not working clinically, she's taken up writing, guitar, yoga, and leads a book club -- but she didn't do any of those things while she was working as a physician. My friend Martha in Seattle says the same thing, that she's only developed hobbies now that she's not working as a physician. I've very much felt that way -- in fact, that's the primary reason why I took this time off -- because I seem to sacrifice everything to the job, and have completely lost sight of what makes me happy in the process.
So why is it that Mirek, who is by all accounts busy (after all, he is a neurosurgeon), able to work a 10-12 hour day, come home, play with his kids, work in the garden, bake bread, play sports, and enjoy music, while I've completely given up piano, softball, exercise, and cooking, and never developed any other hobbies in their places? Why is it that Eileen, Martha and I all have the same experience in that regard? Why couldn't I find that balance while working? Is it that I am just unhappy working, and that my unhappiness keeps me from participating in other activities? Is it part of an all-or-nothing phenomenon, whereby I feel that if I cannot be the best at an activity, I should not participate at all? Is it just exhaustion? Is it that I feel an obligation to take care of my house and chores before I take care of fun time? And is there anything about being female, or the way that Eileen, Martha, and I were raised as females, which contributes to that sense of being unable to participate in activities which make us happy while there's work to be done? Food for thought.
At least I know I'm not alone in this. For a long time, I thought I must be crazy that I could not figure out how to attain balance while working. It's always nice to know that I'm not the only one who doesn't possess this skill set. At the same time, though, it makes me wonder if balance is a skill I can develop, or not -- because at some point, I'm going to have to go back to work.
That said, it was a really fun few days with Eileen and her family. Again, I'm overcome with how long it's been since I've seen some of these people, and how amazing it is to reconnect after so many years. And, at least, I am certain that I do not want to lose touch with people again -- my life is certainly better for having friends in it with me.
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